Summer time

You wouldnt know that since i sat down to write this entry, i got up from my chair 5 times and its been 50 mins.   That's a long time to write this little amount. haha   Now, Angelina just spilled a bunch of yogurt on herself, so she tells me very seriously "mom, now i really need a bath" haha  Hmm K!    We'll see how much i can write until i hear "mommmmm i want to get  outttttt"  :)

awww she is calling me  now... "mommmmm come here"

Alright... had to turn the running water off.. Good idea haha  She usually does it by herself, but for some reason couldnt this time. 

Where were we?   Hammac... ok so yes, its nice! hahaha    I thought it was such a nice gesture from my hubby. A nice surprise on a regular day!!

Oh, he turned 49 !   His best friend and I took him out to a very nice area of the city. i think its officially my favorite part of town now. Its beautiful and simple!  Not the fancy beautiful (dont like that)  just.. the perfect place to walk around.  We had dinner , so yummy, than we played pool.  We had a wonderful night.   I got him some  very good headphones, a gift certificate to Sears so he can buy either electronics, games or music or clothes or tools hahaha   and i got him a Xbox 360 game:  Call of Duty 4.    It's difficult for me to buy him things because 1)i dont have money and 2) i am never sure how much we can afford at the moment.    I know he really enjoyed his whole birthday and that is all that matters.  We all had a fantastic time.    I suck at pools but laughing at myself is my favorite hobby so its perfect haha   That is what my sister and I do when we get together.  We laugh so hard at each other trying to hit those balls... My problem is that i end up forgeting which one is mine, and i even mislead our friend telling him his were the stripes one while they were mine, and he got in 3-4 of mine before i realised he was hitting mine.   Well, he still won. hahaha


It is suppose to storm today. I love it. I am afraid of tornados.. but i always loved thunderstorm in NB.  Its just when i moved here that i realise that here, they meant possibility of tornadoes.   Jay really had to calm me down the first time i heard that siren, because i thought it meant a tornado WAS coming.  I never get  franctic or hysteric, just not me, but I was obviously terrorised.   Ah!  now, i still get very nervous when i see we are on tornado watch... but i still enjoy the sound of thunder and lighting. Rain? i love rain.  It never bothers me.  Of course its not fun when i just straithened my hair (wrong spelling i know) but who cares if my hair is silky smooth or curly?  I usually dont. hahaha  i tell myself at least i have the advantage of having it both ways, right? 


We found a new church. I absolutely love it.   The kids love it too.  Here is the link :
RiverHills Christian Church

If you know me you know how challenging  my spiritual journey has been in the past few years.  Yet, God has always been more than important to me. 


Nicholas is in Mississipi for a month with my mother in law.  I think its going to be good for him... to keep out of trouble. He is turning 16 tomorow!!  So we got him his birthday before he left.   I know he'll have a nice birthday with mother in law tomorow so I am not worried.   Here is  a picture he took yesterday while over there.

Oh and no, it CANT be a beer!  Nana sure would make sure this doesnt happen!  Root beer? ice tea? but not a beer haha


He is so tall.. I personally hope he is done growing. haha He is at least 6'2 now. Seriously, my strongest, deepest desire for him is to live a life that reflect  all his potential, to be truly happy with himself and the ones he loves, and to simply have no doubts that they love him back.   


Sebastien is doing good too. He is our "thinker".  He loves to spend time by himself, yet he loves his friends too.  Zachary on the other hand, cannot stand to be my himself. at all. and i mean at all!    He HAS to have someone to play with.  He is such a boy.  He is learning to live with his short term memory and CAPD.   I noticed he gives himself some tricks to remember things much more often than he used to. 

Angelina, well she is still the princess haha To my amazement, as much as her brothers treat her like the queen and she has it all made, she is an amazing little girl.  This child  is so.... understanding!  That's the best word i can find right now.   Of course she gets upset at certain things, but normally, she is extremelly patient, obedient and just... good!    She knows where everything is and take care of her things so so well.. more than anybody else in the house. Except me of course , but i am a mom it doesnt count haha

Those pictures were all taken at my girlfriend private pool. We had a wonderful time.  We spent a whole afternoon there.   She took those pictures :)    Here are some more before i change subject haha

Like i said earlier, I have been very busy with the kids.   I am the type of mom who welcomes any kids that wants to play, any time.  Well almost anytime. However, i never turn any kids away if they show up by mystery. haha   I think the most I had in my house at one time was 12.  Well not counting the crazy birthday party i gave the boys:

yes, that was pretty intense. But i knew that once they both invited all the friends they wanted to invite, they would realise to themselve that having lots of friends over meant no room to move and a very VERY noisy time.   After everybody was gone, they said "thanks mom, but next time, can we only invite a few?" haha some of these kids were out of control!!    


So, here is what our group looks most of the time:

Arent they beautiful?  I love those kids.  Of couse its exhausting sometimes, but this tiredness is a good one.  And of course I need a break once in a while.  Now if i had a baby to hold once in a while... maybe a few hours a day... that'd be perfect hahaha

Now who is left to talk about... hmmmm   me? hahaha  Me, well i am not of fan of talking of me. haha Nothing is new.  Same old s0ame old me.  Even the fact that i cannot find a bra that fit is no news.  OH i know what is new!! i bought myself a pair of big sunglasses for 4.99$.  hahaha  i even hesitated because i hate spending money on myself.  But hey, any girls want some big sunglasses. Not the kind that makes you look like a bug, of course.   But these:

 

The view with these on is amazing. I love it haha   now i need contact lenses to wear underneath them.  I still love my prescription sunglasses my dear husband made sure i got, but  those are the "chilling dont need to see far" sunglasses hahaha    I was just leaving with the kids to go to my friend's pool. 


Here again after pool time.  4 hours later.  Yes, its the same hair.  I dont straithten them that very often. Usually only on a special occasion, because i think it looks better and i loveeee having soft hair haha

This used to be my dream.  To become a midwife.  I love love babies. After giving birth, and loosing, 2 of my babies,  the whole birth experience became so... simple to me.   I didnt care about no pain anymore, there is no pain compared to giving birth only to give death. Giving birth 2 months early is what killed my babies.  So its the birth of death.  I just wanted women to know that this birth experience is not painful... its pure joy and as physically hurtful as it can be, there is  no other pain on earth that can be this rewarding.  There is just none.    And i wanted to become part of that...

SO, maybe i can become a doula too, someday :)  I think i have enough experience to be a good birthing coach. hahaha 


Alright enough about babies!!!  I have lots of work to do~   I want to clean the basement today and donate a lot of the kids toys. The only toys i am going to buy from now on are the ones that i know the kids really enjoy.   Any child has 1 or 2 activities they absolutely enjoy and only expanding their collection makes them happy.   Zac is army and car. Seb is challenging stuff like build your own rocket, lina is babies and barbies, and nick, well, games.    So why buy them a bunch of stuff!!! just keep expending the collection you know they enjoy!!!  


Ok, Off to work. Tuns of laundry too!  We'll see if i can do a good clean up today. Its hard to keep the house nice and pretty when i spend the day playing/occupying them. Because taking care of the children  is my first job after all!   
 

I will let you go with our latest pictures:

Here is what i found one morning when i came downstairs.  Of couse, she asked me if she could "do my makeup too" and of course i said yes. The funny thing is I totally forgot about this, and i went on with my day.. and i went to talk to some neigbhors...  That's totally so me. haha

Arent they precious!  I love the "are they all yours?" comments i get. haha


Here we were, making homemade cinnamon rolls!   It was good to teach the kids to be patient to eat the goods, because they take 2.5 hours with rising dough time and they loved to kneed their dough!










Here is Angelina with Tinkerbelle having a "fever nap". She was sick and fell asleep on the couch. Yes, it is a tattoo on her cheek. haha




enjoying ice cream haha




Sebastien in a kayak!!




Zachary doing what he loves!!!




Angelina doing what she loves too haha





Angelina needs big sunglasses too

















Sebastien with my friend M's glasses






This is what i call my "french nose shot" hahaha  Oh and see, French women DO shave their armpit.  hahahaha    i have had people ask me if i shave my armpits after they hear im french.... LOL 
All i can say is :  Ewwwww

So, dear friends,  enjoy your day. If it stinks, always remember maybe its just the smell of your own nose. Stop and smell the rose and the littlest happiness instead.    Find your hammac and relax, whatever your "hammac" is. 

And most of all:


SMILE

 

09:08 - Saturday, June 28, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Pictures

Here are the pictures i took when we went to the Zoo last Saturday! 

Here is Sebastien imitating a picture grandpa sent him hahahaha

SMILE!

09:14 - Saturday, May 3, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Busy life

Almost a month since i updated this blog!  its just been a busy life!!!   Between kids, homeschooling, house, dogs, working out, running around like a chicken without a head, there is never realy anything new going on!!   I turned 30. I think i told you.  I forgot.  Im getting old...so i forget!

My dear  husband just brought me a coke with what i believe is tequila in it.  It could be Rhum, im not sure.  I dont think tequila goes with coke, so its probably rhum... what do i know!! i know its good, i know its making me relax and i know i appreciate whatever he serves me. hehe   Hey i`ll take whatever ya serve me! haha 

I finally found a bathing suit that FIT me!! Yay!!!  I did have to buy 2 pieces... because my top doenst fit with my bottom. They are both huge, mind you, hahahahaha  but as far as bathing suit business, it usually doesnt work that way.  And no, i will not post pictures of me in my bikini on here.  You wouldnt want to see anyway.  Its been years since i wore a 2 pieces.  But now that i am deformed, i got to go at it again.    My husband says im hard on my body and as long as he is `hard` on it too, it`s all that matters.  Yea, he`s a pervert.  So am I. hahahaha    Sorry.... it must be the drink! 

My mother in law has been in town.  Uh-oh!  haha  Seriously, she has not been spending a lot of time at our house.  She told Jay and I to go out for the week end to celebrate my birthday. It was such a great surprise!   Jay made reservation in Indiannapolis and off we went!  We were gone from Friday 4pm to Sunday 6pm.   Of course its the first time ever that we were away from the kids that long and it was sooooo good!! I let go of my worries about leaving the kids, and we had such an amazing, hot, peaceful, awesome time. Enough said haha  Monday was a tough day... being back in the real world!!!

Mother and law bought me a sign for our front door.  I LOVE it... hahahaa it suits us so well. I laughed so hard when i saw it, and i didnt hesitate putting it up. It reads :     ''Forget the dogs, beware of the kids'' hahaha   isnt that so good? haha yes, i know, it doesnt take me much.

Talking about the dogs... anyone know how to train a 4months old puppy to go to the bathroom OUTSIDE??  this is getting so old....  we love her, but man!!   I removed our family room area rug, our master bath rug too, because she was ruining them!!! i washed them, and put them away.  Yikes!  Other than thinking I am his possession, Shiloh has been a pretty good dog.   

I feel  so drained. 

You know me, i dont spend much time talking about the more negative side of life.  I focus on the positive. At least I try to!   Plus, d.r.a.i.n.e.d.  is that really negative?   its just a word no? Its the word ''feel'' that makes it negative.  And, our feelings play with us most of the time. I must be feeling drained, overwhelmed; but this feeling will not last.    And because i know  that, I know that i`ll be ok. I know that this feeling does not mean the truth, therefore, i already feel better.   Dont we all feel drained at times?   Our own circonstances in life makes us feel that way, because no matter what we are living, we give our all (well most of us anyway) and  at some point, we see needs , problems and obstacles we feel we cant go thru better than we actually are, and we see that we need to do a bit more, just a bit, or a lot.... actually... and we feel overwhelmed. The truth is... we either have too many expectations and have to slow down, or we simply have not been doing as much as we think we are.  I think the first explanation is most likely for good, self sacrificing people. For the rest, its probably the second.     Does it really matter?  Soon or later, we feel better. We find a way....  we survive.... we grow.... we get stronger.....  what does not kill you can only make you stronger, right?   

Feelings..... I love my husband. I really do. I am often shocked by how obvious and certain his love for me is.  I lived for what seems so long, not feeling the love of a man... hearing it, but not feeling it.  Love... feeling loved... should always go together.  An abusive relationship can do so much damage to a person.  I know... i experienced it, and even tho it was so painful,  i wouldnt change it, because now, i appreciate real love that even more.   I do not expect, nor do I want, a perfect love; because love is, simply!!   When you are truly loved, you feel it. You have no doubt, even when its not perfect.  My life use to seem as perfect in the eyes of others , yet the love was not there.   That was a sad state indeed.   When you have love, imperfection becomes perfect.

I still fear my ex husband. I know it sounds silly... but i am still afraid of him. I dont spend much time thinking about it, but when i do, i feel a lot of pity.  I forgave him everything he has done to me, but i cannot forget.   I dont think we shoudl forget when someone hurt us greatly.  We should forgive, but not forget.   Forgetting would make us fools.

My dear husband is watching '' Fracture''.  I am paying '' some '' attention to it, too.   I saw it with Nicholas :)   Its really good!!!   Its a really good ''mystery'' movie.    I told Jay that if he could figure it out before the movie was over,  he was a genius.  Well,  now only 20mins into the movie, he has!!!  He just doenst know it yet. I am making him suffer by not teeling him he is right, yet. hahaha    I have never watched a movie with him without him figure out the ending early on in the movie!!!  That guy is a genius. That's why I married him. yea yea.   im a genius to have married him too! hahaahah

I can just read our add in the Match.com add; lets just pretend for a minute:

male, 48yo, looking for younger woman, loving kids, likes to clean the floor on hands and knees, in need of a real man to truly love her.         

Feminists wouldnt like that one. hahahahhaha    I am not one, so who cares? hehehe

arent we cute tho?

yea i know you`ve seen it.  But i like it.  he was actually telling me how great I am. Isnt that so sweet?  

I guess i should let you go before the drink im having kicks in real good and i start singing  too loud. 

I am leaving you with the latest photos.  At your own risks! haha

I ''think'' this is all.   Other than my husband just told me the other half of the movie....  how can he be so good, i dont know. THAT movie was really hard to figure out!!!!  You have to watch it to see!!   Great actors... good movie! 

Ryan is the actor that played in '' The Notebook''. I loved that movie. Of course, its a chick flick. I am usually not a huge ''chick flick'' kinda girl, but the notebook, i did love.   I am picky. I didnt like the love story they added to the ''Titanic''.  I did enjoy the drawing session.    hahaha   does that make me a pervert?   haha I better sign off before i scare you off!!    

Have a wonderful night!! and remember..... SMILE!!!  

11:49 - Wednesday, April 23, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

There is no need to fear....

The UnDeRdOg is here!!!

I just felt like saying that.  That's all :) sometimes you've just got to say it, you know! 

Its pictures and video day.  I noticed there is a bunch i forgot to share.

This is my new look.   This is THE look.  The look you get when you let your 4 year old daughter do your makeup :)   isnt that just so special?  its marvelously... original!   I told her she is an artist. She agreed :) 

Sorry, my boobs are trying to say something.   They dont bite, nah.

Here is another part of my body that is actually talking pretty loud.  I never noticed that mole before....

WIth my melanoma  biopsies scare, i have to keep track of those little monsters.  You dont mind me sharing this do you?  Its just my

arm!    mooohahahahaaaaa     you didnt really think that....   you bunch of perverts hehehe 

Try it, its hillarious.... hahahaha

alright, back to being semi-serious...

Here is my dear husband taking care of Angeline's baby

Here is Tinkerbelle! She is growing! 4 months  now!   She turned out to be Jack Russell/weiner dog, and she is adorable!

Here is my daugther when she pouts.

She doesnt look evil. Nah.  Just "kinda".

Here is another one of my very well balanced children.

This is a picture Angelina took of me. Of course i didnt know she was going to. I like the fact that my grapefruits look decently small on here hahaha They usually take too much room.  hehe

Here is Angelina, all ready for "school". That is what we call her 2 hours, 3 times a week, preschool program at the YMCA. 

I have a hard time taking picture of Nicholas.  You would think only teenage girls hate having their pictures taken. Nope.   Than when i do take one, i have to force him to smile.  You would never guess looking at his pictures that he is actually a clown. Ha~!

Here is one of my favorite one of him. You've seen it before, but i dont have any new one.  He got such a kick out of our canadian whole milk name; "homo milk"  hahaha He gagged when we told him "its ok Nick to be gay; we love you anyway"  hahaha

I am done with Sebastien and Zachary's room!  

Here is a link to the whole album:

Boys' room

All you got to do is to click "next" on  the right at the top...   don't get lost, i've got 3000 pictures on webshots! Yikes!  

Well you know what?  the computer is being extremely slow, and its driving me nuts! so i will let you go.   I got too much to do anyway!

have a great day!

10:52 - Wednesday, March 26, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

I know...

I know I know.... i barely post anymore.   Its not so that i dont think about it, or dont want to, but more so that when i come online, I dont have enough time to do everything i would like to do.  Right now, to write this, i have to shut msn off, am not checking my email. I just came to write.  What to write? not sure....   Now my french blog, i know my mom and sister and other french friends and relative reads. This one?  i have no clue.  I am not going to ask you to comment or let me know you are here; that is no biggies at all, I dont care really; i write for me (sometimes im selfish like that)  but the fact that i have no clue, makes me think that i am pretty much writing in cyber space where no one sees, but hey that's perfectly cool too; this way i can say whatever I want. hahaha

Jay is gone for the week.  Its always hard when he leaves.  This feeling of emptiness.   Even tho he works a lot, and/or is always on a computer, his presence is always comforting.  I am not one of those high maintenance wife that needs my husband to hold my hand or hug me every minutues of the day, or call me 50 times a day.   His presence and his warmth i can feel without a word, without a forced mark of affection.  I am perfectly content by just knowing he is near, by just seeing him over there with his laptop, by just sitting next to him as we watch tv, or by just both of us spending time talking with friends on Msn, hearing each other laugh, sharing what we are talking about like little kids.   Its fun times!     The heat and steam can come later on. hehehe

Anyway, yea, knowing he is away and far makes me uncomfortable.... empty and incomplete.  its not the same.  I miss him!   He will be back friday night.  

The boys have a little friend staying over for a sleep over tonight. They are excited.  I sure could of needed a night of peaceful, quiet, early bed time instead haha but i chose to make them all happy; therefore, i'll be happy too. Hopefully by midnight they will be asleep so i can have an hour or two of that quietness i crave right now! 

I just made them some snow cones; they all wanted 2 flavors; cotton candy at the bottom, and lime on top; quite original no?   haha They are watching the movie called "spaceballs".  Perfect for boys.  Its a comedy remake of star war.  Its quite hillarious actually.  i dont particularly like the use of the words "idiots, balls (as of testicules) stupid and asshole (yup)  but its a good occasion to tell them NOT to use those words.   Its hard for them to understand when they hear them in a funny context and not a mean one. But again its a good way to show them that those words are not acceptable no matter what context.   I dont like little kids saying "stupid". that's just me.   Probably because my son is called "stupid" more than enough at school for his delays.... and i cannot stand the word. Now "balls" that is a totally different story when there is 5 males in the house. 

I have been training good. More than i ever have.  I take a body sculpting  class. That is what its called anyway.  Its painful, works up all the muscles in the body. I should be going 3 times a week to the class, but only make it 1 or 2. However, it showed me that that is what my body has needed for a long time.  I never did strenght training. I did Cardio, and lots of it.   Now, i do mostly strenght (muscles) and i am amazed of the changes i've seen in my body.   My stomach is so firm, my arms, everything. its nice !!  i work out every day at the YMCA but i dont do the class everyday because its in the morning and morning dont work well with  my schedule.  i strongly encourage you all do give it a try.

I will let you go!  and remember.....

SMILE

08:43 - Monday, March 24, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Hello 30's

Today is my last day in my 20's.  I'll get over it :)    I am actually quite proud of what I have accomplished in my life so far... things that a lot of people dont until they are actually done with their 30's.  Some people my age, still partying, still not settled, actually can't understand that I chose to be a mother when i was 19. That i chose to put my medical carreer on hold, and that i chose to live a life of goals and not this "im living my youth, i drink, screw stangers and party" bullshit.  

Nah, im not pissed, just irritated that yet again, someone told me "you are too young to have this many kids"    Huh? scuse me?  So, you'd rather be 45 and send your kid to kindergarden, or 30 and know that the sacrificed you've made instead of only thinking about pleasure, were well worth it.   I am not talking about people that tell me im too young because they simply are surprised.... but im talking about people that actually cant do their math, assume I was a teen mom (and so what if i was, who cares; some teen moms i know are better mothers than some other 40yo we hear about on tv)

Dont get me wrong... there is nothing wrong with being 45 and just starting a family.  I admire mature, self sacrificing people, whatever age, whatever circonstances and whatever they are doing. I just cant stand people that can't grow up and put down other people like me that CHOSE to do something good with their lives when they were 16 instead of waking up at 40 wondering where life has been when they were drunk.  

Im not mad. nah, just irritated by a comment i got yesterday; but i'll keep the comment to myself.  Oh heck, i'll tell you.  This guy told me "well, looks like you've been doing a lot of one thing"      He means sex.    Huh, im 29, hmm 30!!   yes, i do the "thing" you are talking about, probably more than you do, so what??   it makes me really mad when people say that; and i've heard it more than you can imagine.   I cant believe how stupid people are... to insult me, because i've got 4 wonderful children. The comment itself is just pure ignorance. I should respond "yea, i've had sex 4 times , and you?"  

Back to life.. haha

We are done with Angelina's room! Jay did a great job with trimming, molding etc and the floor!   We had to let it cure one week becore putting any furniture back in!  In the mean time, i could refinish the bed and finish other little project.  Here are the before and after pictures. 

http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/562569195QjcIgO

I am now working on the boys room.  I am finishing all the painting today.  Jay will refinish their floor saturday, so again i will take that week to refinish their furniture (wood is in bad shape)   I have been working on their furniture for days now... its taking so long.... not to mention that i chose a deep blue for it, so its taking 3-4 coats of paint, after the primer! Yikes, that is a lot of painting.    They are having a "pirate/ship" room.    We'll take a month break after this, than we'll do our room, than Nick's. His was done when we moved in so that's why we are doing it last this time around.   He'll probably have a loft bed and some stripes on his wall (his request)  

Weird enough, we JUST found out he is colorblind!!  he's always matched his clothes (well... jeans and black shirts how easy! haha)  but few months ago we noticed he asked sebastien why he was wearing a lot of purple! (it was blue)   so he had a test done, and he is colorblind; so many colors he doesnt see right!  Pink is orange, blue is purple, and more.  

I miss my family....  especially my sister.  I really hope to see them soon... which is probably a while....   *sigh*

Well sorry about my rambling. I'll go enjoy this last day in my 20's cooking for my family, cleaning my house, painting, workout, and comfortably sit with my husband... oh and probably do that thing to; not that you want to know, but hey, everyone know its my favorite hobby!!   hehehe

SMILE!!

05:30 - Wednesday, February 27, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

AGAIN!!

I dont know what to do about this blog.......

I cant even remember how many times i "moved"....and i was really excited about finding Clearblogs.... but for the past 2 months (and more) its been incredibly slow for me. I lost MANY posts because by the time it did go thru, my "session was expired". I dont have time to loose..... 

I love the people here over at clearblogs...but i dont know if i can keep posting here (or should i say lack of....) 

I have NO clue where to keep a blog anymore....

I'll let you know.....

03:40 - Friday, February 15, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

The price of children

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from
Birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family.
Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.
But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
$8,896.66 a year,
$741.38 a month, or
$171.08 a week.
That's a mere $24.24 a day!
Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have
Children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite,

What do you get for your $160,140?
Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
Glimpses of God every day.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites
Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said
Or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:
Finger-paint,
Carve pumpkins,
Play hide-and-seek,
Catch lightning bugs, and
Never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You have an excuse to:
Keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
Watching Saturday morning cartoons,
Going to Disney movies, and
Wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator
Magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand
Prints set in clay or Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters
For Father's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be
A hero just for:
Retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
Taking the training wheels off a bike,
Removing a splinter,
Filling a wading pool,
Coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team
That never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the:
First step,
First word,
First bra,
First date, and
First time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family
Tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary
Called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education
In psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human
Sexuality that no college can match.
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have
All the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the
Bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them
Forever, and love them without limits, So one day they will, like
You, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal!!!!!!!

Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren. It's priceless!!!!!!!

04:30 - Saturday, January 26, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

We are all a bunch of sickos

....and I mean it!!!

Well...  I mean we are all sick. hehehe

You couldn't possibly think for a minute that I was talking about our sanity (or lack of) could you??

Don't mind me, I think my brain is infected and parts of it is not fully fonctionning. If you don't mind, i'll still take  a few moments to update y'all with our news.

Nicholas is very sick.  We found out today that he's got mononucleosis.  NO fun.  Its one of the worse virus any of us could wish for, not that we ever wish to get sick.   Its very similar to Influenza, but with Mono, it does not matter how much sleep you get, you are totally pooped, weak, loose appetite, and its actually dangerous to do any type of physical activity such as sport and heaving cleaning.  (isnt it the same??) 

Thank God he is homeschooled... because I will be able to adjust our schedule.  Mono is so severe that a child is actually excused  from school for as much as one month.    I doubt that we will be done school by May like planned.... but hopefully by July...

What do you know.... isn't it having always more work added to my list my speciality?  

That reminds me... yesterday, this guy ask me "so do you work?"  i say :"well i dont work outside the house no."   His response:" Oh, you don't work at all??"  i say "i work enough, in fact, i usually sit down around 10pm"    "he said "you sound like a "old fashion muslim woman".

WHAT???? first, im not muslim, second, are you racist?? Arent you aware that there IS American women that stay at home to raise their children??    I have nothing against working mothers. Weither they work at home to care for their kids (and the house) all day long (because having kids at home mean a house being messed up all day long as well) OR having a actual job with the kids in daycare, mom come home, STILL "work" until the kids are in bed.  So weither they are home, or at work, women work.    It just pissed me off that some people can be so ignorant.  What are they thinking?? that kids just take care of themselves all day?   They wouldnt need to pay thousands of dollar in daycare if it was the case!!   We dont tell daycare provider that they "dont work".  "Oh, you chase kids, listen to fights, whine all the while keeping your patience and you sanity all day; you DONT work" 

I think all this come from the "few" stay at home moms that some people know that are actually the type of sitting in front of the tv all day, never clean their house and let the husband cook dinner when he gets home.   Well i got some news for you;

I am old fashion.  I am the old fashion housewife that actually ENJOY keeping a house semi-clean (meaning: presentable) , cooking dinner for the husband and kids, never expect any help with housework because she CHOSE to have this as her JOB.  Why should i expect my husband to clean the house when he gets home.. isnt that my job in the day time?    Now, dont get me wrong, i admire men that actually take over once in a while and do  the dishes. As for me, i dont care, unless im sick and need a booster.   I never expect any help, never feel miserable from not getting any, and WHEN i do get some help, I am forever grateful. After all, i never help my husband fix a computer, or answer a page at 3am.   If i did, i'd mess it up big time... a bit like when he DOES touch something in the kitchen.

Moohahhaha 

I shouldnt care about people telling me I am not working.  For some reason, it bugs me more when it comes from a man.   When a working mother tell me i am lucky to be home all day, I ask "do you rest when you get home from work" their answer ? "hell no, sometimes i want to go back to work! " hahaha ok, enough said then!!!     

Now, if you are the soap opera, clutter love type, stick child infront of tv all day, type of stay at home mom,  im not going to say what i think about ya, because you wont like it :) Plus the title should simply be "stay at home" hehe  Fortunetly, i think there are few like that and sadly enough they are the reason why some people  view stay at home moms with the few lazy ones they've met instead of most that actually will sacrifice a great carreer just to grow old prematurely raising children. hehehe

Did you ever made the math.... that in a family of 6 people (hey , like mine!)   there is 42 pairs of socks to "match" weekly, that is 84 socks to sort out?  Do you want to KNOW the amount of time?!    Now, if you want to do that job, i'll pay ya 25 cents per day, that's 25 cents more than i get!

Moooohahahha

Man.... i do think that my brain IS infected, because i usually dont talk to people this way.    See, being called a old fashion muslim really got to me... it's one of the most insulting thing someone have ever told me.  Its not the muslim part, its the ignorance about muslim women and women  in general as well.  Its just sad.  

Whatever,  maybe being called a  "old fashion judgental christian brainwashed  woman" would of been worse; just because i use to be one. hehe and I ain't  never going back there.    

OBEY.........OBEY................OBEY.............

Well what!! I am obeying my crave for coffee. Especially with hazelnut cream. Mmmmm

Here, get one if you want!

Well other than me feeling like a rebellious housewife and Nick being sick....  there is not much going on.  I totally lost my voice.  You wouldnt be able to tell by the way i talk today. hahaha but seriously, i have NO voice... my throat is killing me. I have to wisper to my kids and the dogs.. can you imagine?!    That's one tough job.  Well oops i forgot... i dont work!

We dont have any snow....  that's tough when you got kids that actually remember having 20 feet of it.  They miss it!!   Here is a reminder:

That is my parents house... where i grew up.  My mom was telling me how they had more than this this year and you actually can't see the house from the street.    When we were kids, we would build humongus caves, build snow furniture, bring candles in there and spend hours!!  My dad would make it solid as rock by spraying water with the hose on it.  There is no way that thing could collapse.  It was soooo cool.     I wish i could make my kids experience that! 

Here is one of my favorite family picture with my parents, sister , me , Sebastien and Zachary.  See, we dont look too bad.  And by the way, it was -45, so its not THAT bad.  We played outside like little kids. That "thing" Sebastien (red coat) is siting in, is a shovel. Yup, and using this thing, you still need an average of 3 hours to do a tiny path in your driveway to get out... until you have to do it all over again. haha 

Schools never close on snow days. Ever. Unless its ice and -50, litteraly.   I so didnt understand when i first moved here and the schools were close for 2 cm of snow. I found it totally ridiculous, but i didnt realise that the cities here are not equiped for that type of weather, and our -50 / 2 meters of snow weather are safer than the  -10/2 cm snow here.  Why? because of this:

 This is actually an "old fashion" (my new favorite word) one.    We cant see really good, but it actually blows the snow on the other side, leaving  huge hills of snow on the sides of the road, but leaving the roads completely clean and safe, like this:

This is actually not that bad, the walls usually get to be as high as the stop signs around christmas time.

Now, apparently these are the new ones; I have yet to see them in action!

Looks nice!  Much smaller.   

I should go.  I'll leave you by sharing a few pictures of how cute our dogs have gotten to be :)   If you can watch without saying "awww" (you dont have to actually say it outloud, im not THAT demanding)  well i guess that means im not alone with a infected brain tonight hehe

Let's say it together:

AWWWWWW

Now say it again........

AWWWWWW

All this said, you guys have a good night, and remember....

SMILE

This is me as a Old fashion housewife.  I look pretty happy what da ya think?

07:09 - Thursday, January 10, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Every now and then

I go thru phases.   Sometimes, i am chatty and can talk about anything and post a blog entry every day for weeks. Other times, i just completely disapear from the bloggling world, and messaging world, and the internet world all together. Not sure why!?   Maybe once i go thru a talkative phase, i've said it all and im done for while.

I honestly have no clue what to say. Hmm

Our christmas was great.  Simple. Jay, me, and the 4 kids.  And the 2 dogs :)   I cooked all day.  Ate all day too.  The kids were happy and overjoyed, therefore so was I!  

I have been making bread everyday with my new bread maker. haha its so easy and simple and yummy, why not!? 

The dogs are getting along beautifully. They are the same color so its so cute to watch too.  Shiloh has turned into such a wonderful dog. And the puppy.. well she is 8 weeks and just so cute and funny.  They are both mixed breed.  Beagle, basset hound, weiner dog, jack russel and boxer. Quite a mix. I think the puppy will stay quite small. Shiloh is big for a beagle so we are not sure what other mix is in his beagle/basset hound genes.  His face looks like st bernard too.  Who knows!

Everybody is doing good and heatlhy. That is all that matters.  I am leaving you (yes, already) with our latest pictures. 

03:08 - Sunday, December 30, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

Scoops

Wow, i know i know... its been so long since i posted!!   

Ready for christmas!!!  cant wait!   super fun time :)   

Homeschooling is doing good. Very proud of Nick and his grades!! lots of work but worth it. 

We got a new puppy.  I am now a victim of the dog lover`s syndrome. I do promise not to get another dog. 2 is good! haha   She is the sweetest thing i`ve ever seen. Shiloh has been such a wonderful dog too! 

I know, I didnt say much; i`ll try to post more later this week.  I'll leave you with pictures. 

Let me hear from you!

Angelina turned 4!!

Football time!!!

Remember,

SMILE!

01:57 - Tuesday, December 18, 2007 - comments {1} - post comment

Hahahaha

07:31 - Thursday, December 6, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

and I am a mother??

Let's just suppose that  it is 1 am and you are having a shower. 

No, wait... that you are finally  having a hot shower. After a long achy day.  You are just happy to feel some water run on you, some hot water. Your mind is galloping with different thoughts.  Thoughts of how proud you are of the way you handled your 3yo tantrum earlier. Thoughts of how you've got to drink less coffee.  Thoughts of your husband bragging about how bad his farts stink. Thoughts of how amazed you get at yourself sometimes, cooking a 5 stars meal (well lets say 4) with less than 4 ingredients to work with, in less than 10 mins.  

You are just enjoying the water... and you are totally lost in your thoughts. Overall, it was a good day.  Overall, it was usual. You are beat, yet not sure  why.

Than pretend that you are a dork, and you keep a toothbrush in the shower because sometimes, you like to feel like a man; brush your teeth, foam your mouth with as much toothpaste as possible, let it run down your chin all the while picking at the new zit on your tiny bottom. 

While you are still racing with thoughts, you procceed to graciously try to put some Pantene Pro V conditionner on your toothbrush.   No wait... the Free Bonus, huge Pantene Pro V conditionner!    In doing this, you are actually talking to yourself and say " Why do they have to make these bottles so big?  That is just too hard to do!!"

Pretend that this is you... and you are actully getting pissed off at the bottle, all the while trying to hold your tootbrush in place so you can succeed this task.  Finally, you get it done, and you say "Yea!!"   before putting the toothbrush in your mouth.

Just than, you wake up.  "What is THAT??"   Hum...  you just spent 3 mins talking to yourself about how difficult it was to pour some condionner on a toothbrush, without ever thinking for one second that you wer actually doing something wrong! 

Let's pretend you spend the rest of the shower laughing at yourself... in awe of your IQ; than you hear yourself say "and I am a mother??"  Or maybe becoming a mother got the best of you... and you've got nothing left ... to brush your teeth :) 

But that was just pretend right? 

07:54 - Tuesday, November 6, 2007 - comments {1} - post comment

Brain

Hahaha!!

They need to make one for horny  women like that, but of course it doesnt apply to me

*cough cough*

11:01 - Tuesday, October 30, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

Angelina announced....

That she is going to be a Snow White Ninja for Halloween! 

hahaha she did this all by herself:

She even has her body guards

Nick is content enough with turning his hair gray

And to top it all off, here is Jay and I with our costumes on :

SMILE! 

11:34 - Friday, October 26, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

cccccold!!

I never thought i would say that a week ago, when it was 95 outside and i was so sick of the heat!!  haha  Well, we've had storms, tornado watch (a few people died...) and rain rain rain for the last week.  We really needed rain... We only had 2 days of rain since June!   So we went from a 95 degree weather to a lower 50's weather in less than 2 days.   Talk about a change in the weather.  

I love the cold tho! I love the fact that if im cold, i can only add some layers, but if im hot, i cant possibly take all my clothes off.  Its 66 in the house now and i didnt even think about turning the heat on.    I might tonight haha

Well... we might be moving. Very far.  VERY far...   Ireland or California.   IF we do, it probably will be to California, just because we have kids :) and our families would freak out if we moved that far, but to be honest, i think i'd rather live in Ireland...  really. Im weird like that.   We never know!  

I think I am going thru a rebellious stage.  All all who know me know im not a rebellious person.   Let me explain... haha I am not "rebelling" against mine or what I love, but some complicated people in general.  I am tired of complicated people.  I am tired of people that complains about their so called "complicated lives" while its not.  I am tired of people telling me that BECAUSE I do so much, I must be born to do it and its not hard for me to do it, its IN me?  HUH?    Nah, its not that its easy for me to do it, its just that I kick myself in my own butt, choose to wissle while I work and dont let myself sink in a self pity party. 

Grow up! 

Life sucks sometimes. Because  "some" people around you dont complain about theirs, doesnt mean they have it all made. 

J.U.S.T. G.R.O.W. U.P.

Now dont take this wrong and think that I am miserable. In fact, im quite happy. I am pretty much always happy.  Does that mean that I have it easy? No. Does that mean  that i am rich? No. Does that mean that i have a maid and a cleaning lady? No.  Does that mean that I have no worries in life, no hardships and no problems? No. 

It just mean that i wake up in the morning, and instead of thinking of how hard my life can get sometimes, i chose to see the bright side and most of all, where i've been, where I'm at and where im going.   I dont waste my time complaining.  I get up and walk .  Actually, I get up and run. 

So yea... i am tired of people that complicates their already complicated lives by comparing themselves with happy people, thinking the happy people are so lucky because they've got no problems.   

Again, just grow up!  

I dont wont pity. Ever. But i dont want people telling me how easy i got it either because "im happy" .   That really tick me off.   

Maybe having some credit... maybe someone telling me "wow you are so busy, you do so much for your family, 2 of your kids have disabilities, you homeschool, you do this, you do that; you never catch a break, yet you are always happy... thank for being a good example to society"   

I guess that would be too much to ask?   I dont do all i do to receive gratification or any credits from it. I do it because i love to and because that is what i am about, but good grief I am so tired of people assuming my life is easy because I am happy and have a happy mariage.   We are happy because we chose to be! 

With this, i will share our latest  happy pictures.

SMILE!

10:50 - Thursday, October 25, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

Yes!!

 Its raining today. I just LOVE it.  I love love rain. Thunderstorms almost give me an orgasm.  Well i did say almost!  That's how much i love it!   hahaha   I am a weirdo, i use to go in our car as a teenager when there were a storm, just to hear the rain fall on the roof, the noise it made and seeing the lighting :)   I love to walk in the rain.  It pays off to be the type of girl that dont really worry about her hairdo getting wet.  I guess its one good side of having curly hairs. 

Now that everyone is healhty again, life has calmed down some.   It's been difficult trying to get the oldest do his school work at home.  Not that it's ever been easy to drag him out of bed in the morning.

Finally uploaded Sebastien birthday pictures. He was so sick on his actual birthday, October 3rd, that i didnt make the cake that day.

Not sure why Zachary was eating a pencil... haha 

Here is a picture of him admiring his multiple Bionicles. hahaha  He loves those things. They are basically robot/alien, whatever they are, that you built, a bit like legos.   They are pretty cool.  He was more than happy to get 3 of those :) 

Its funny how his brother was happy too. hahahaha

Next birthday will be Angelina in November. After our Anniversary of course!  Talking about anniversary.. it reminds me that i have not been wearing my wedding ring in over a month.... first, the diamond fell. I panicked when i realised that my diamond was gone!!!   I looked everwhere, and thought it was lost... but Zachary found it 3 days later!!!    He was the man of the day :)    So i am so afraid to ever wear my ring again, because it happened 2 years ago, and i never found the first diamond again. Jay fixed it for me in my back and even put up a bigger diamond. IF ever we get it fixed, i just dont think i'll be wearing it on a day to day life... just for special occasion where im not rubbing toilet bowls and scrubbing a muddy floor!  I could get a cheap, simple band to wear everyday!    So, anyway, i feel naked without my wedding ring.  I like being naked, but not that way.  

Mooohahahahaaa 

Not sure what i will get Angelina for her birthday...  there are many things she would enjoy!  its funny how she plays with her toys so much more than any of the boys do. They play with new things for a few days, than they loose any interest in them. Its sad really.... because they have nice things!!! i guess its because boys get bored so easy. They need adventure constantly!  *sigh*

I have been working out like a maniac.  I love feeling in shape.   However... i have been frustrated again....  I shouldnt.... but I am.   Its not all about beauty...  I am satisfied of my looks after having 5 babies; i have worked hard, lost the weight, and I am proud of have never let myself go.  It would of been much easier to just rebel, not care, eat cake and sit and watch tv instead of working out the minute I had a minute to myself.    What frustrates me... is that i do all this work, burn 500calories a day working out, eat VERY healthy, 99% of the time, but the minute i eat a piece of cake, i gain 5 pounds. I am not lying. I am not a liar....     I litteraly gained 5 pounds in 3 days for not working out those 3 days and eating one bowl of chips and 2 pieces of cake.    Some people LIVE that way ALL. THE. TIME.   and I dont. but the minute i decide to treat myself a little, i gain 5 pounds.  YET,  all that work and eating right and saying no to treats i love, is NOT making me loose!!!!    I have been trying for 3 years to get back to 135 pounds. I am totally stuck between 140 and 150 ALL. THE. TIME. 

and i am frustrated. 

That's all...

**sigh**

Well until i can figure it out, i will keep having fun feeling naked without my ring and enjoy the pure blist of rain. 

(yup, i still have my evil laugh picture)

Anyway... tonight im cooking steak, cherry tomato salad and asparagus.  Sounds yummy and i will lick my finger so hard they will cripple.  I have to admit that eating right might not make me loose weight... and my body must be all muscles if i weight 145 pounds despite all that work. Muslces weigh more than fat right? 

I'll leave you with a series of  pictures of my gorgeous 5th child :) Of course they are all gorgeous kids, but she is the only girl ya know? she loves to pose. hehe

Here is she posing with her artwork. arent those cute??  i will use one of hers next time i change my background :)

See that framed flower art on the wall behind her? that is Sebastien's :)   kids arts are the best :)

Will let you go to get back to laundry. It's been calling me.

remember:

SMILE

11:13 - Thursday, October 18, 2007 - comments {1} - post comment

1 month and 2 birthdays later

Its been more than 3 weeks since i updated this blog... hmmm it could be close to a month!    Its not that i dont think about it, i just dont have the time; or should i say i chose not to take the time.  I could choose to take the time at 1am when i go to bed and everything is quiet, but you guest it, i'd rather get some sleep :)

The past month has been a little crazy.  Goods and Bads, but depending on how you look at it.  We pretty much choose to see the goods around here.  I cant stand people that complains about all the little troubles that goes on in their lives.   I didnt name my blog "as good as its gets" because my life is free of drama either. In fact, if you have lots of stress in your life, my life and yours probably  could compare.  I just cant stand to waste anytime crying over what could be better. Because i truly beleive that no matter how stressed you feel, you choose to make it better, or worse, yourself, just by your attitude and how you see things.    "you are not a depressive person" you would tell me. That is not true. Being depressive, or posivite, i strongly believe, is in all of us.   I have seen hell on earth more than enough, just like you, and if i choose to not use my blog as a venting place, it doesnt mean my life is perfect.     

That said, the past month has probably been one of the most stressful time in my life in a while.   I will spare all the details, because i still think my life is as good as its gets, its great and beautiful, despite all the stress that comes and go into it.    I guess I am just tired of people thinking i got it all made just because i am a happy person.    Of course, i have my moments. I have my moments where i turn into a major BiTcH and desperatly try to turn that attitude off in myself. I usually can do that in about one day.  Hey, im a woman and im hormonal too. hehe i just never use that as a excuse tho!   When i do have a bad day, i know it, and i usually all i need is a little comfort from mines, and im back on track.   I think my biggest pet peeve is negative people that complain about he NORMAL daily stress in life.   That so pisses me off.  

Anyways,  in the past month, we've had 2 birthdays around here. Zachary turned 7 on the 21st of September, and Sebastien turned 9 on the 3rd of october.  I decided to finally gave them that huge birthday party they always dreamed of... with lots of friends.... and oh boy i did realies how insane i was to invite this many kids.  Only 7 RSVP'ed and 24 showed up.  AH!  it was .....   crazy!! hahahaha   my house was tiny all over sudden, and being mostly boys, you can only imagine the noise and running that occured in my house. I had to take them all outside so nobody get killed! hehe   Here is a pictures of them all back in the house, watching Sponge Bob waiting for the parents to come pick them up.

I let the boys keep 2 friends each for the night. Here is a picture of them the next morning:

They had a blast and they did pretty good. They were up way too late... talking and giggling and making fart and burp sounds, of course.... seeing who could do it the loudest; than seeing who would be the last one to laugh. Boys! hahaha

In Canada, people dont make parties for their kids like they do here. Here, its HUGE... so my poor boys wanted to have a huge party too; i gave it to them. hahaha     and Sebastien told me the next morning "mom, next year, its ok if we only have 2 or 3 friends over" hahahaha     some boys were simply out of control. However, the sleep over went great, despite our new movie "The last Minzy" not working!!!  grrr 

Please do keep in your prayer the little boy with the shaggy hair do (how cute is he??) next to Zac, he almost broke his neck on the school playground last thursday and is now wearing a neck brace.  His poor mom got a called from the school that he was taking by ambulance and might have a broken neck.  How awful!  I am soooo happy he is ok!!  Hopefully it will heal very good.

So i had that "combined" big party for both the boys on the 29th, but on their regular birthdays we just had simple family birthday wishes. That was nice!  It was nice for the boys to see that sometimes, the simpler the better!!!  Live and learn :)))    

I am now homeschooling Nick.  School has been extremelly stressful and difficult the past 4 years. With his severe ADHD and the school not considering any IEP for him, we decided to homeschool him.   More work and stress for me... but whatever is best for your children!!  I just hoped that he would appreciate I guess instead of having to drag him out of bed in the morning because he thinks he is on vacation and he doesnt understand that i will not let him sleep in. Oh no! no way ose!

Zachary is doing ok in school. In fact, his first grade teacher was the school special ED teacher last year so she is soooo understanding and good for him and his learning disabilities.  As you know, Zachary has CAPD, Dyslexia and Short Term Memory loss. We are now screening him to see how bad his short term memory loss is.  I always knew that my little boy was not stubborn... he just cant remember so many things.  I have learned to repeat, and repeat, and repeat every day, the same instructions, over, and over and over.    He is 7 now and finally can count to 15 and he started to be able to read simple phonics.   We have a IEP for him and the schools will never hold him back a grade because of reading/learning and probalby math. Holding him back would not help him, and its not his fault.  He will just have adjusted classes and tutors.  

Sebastien and Angelina are doing good. They both loves school and Angelina would like to go every day. haha she only goes to the YMCA for a special program, 2 hours a day, 3 days a week. We call it school because it makes her feel so proud :)  She is such a sweet girl and so easy compare to the boys. haha 

So, in between 2 of my boys with neurologic disorders, homeschooling, teaching sunday school to 25+ kids every sunday, letting my kids be kids and having other kids over all the time, having a big house to clean, a dog, 4 big loads of laundry a day, this, this, that, that and than some more, i dont have much time at all to do anything else.   Angelina is having a play date right now so that is nice; i could come on here and chat with ya.  hehe  She will be back soon tho, so i will let you go. :) 

Oh, and remember, you can make yourself miserable, or you can make yourself happy, the effort is just the same!

SMILE

10:58 - Tuesday, October 9, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

Invisible towers

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way
one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be
taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"
Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping
the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see
me at all. I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you
tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock
to ask, "What time is it?"

I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?"

I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes
that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now
they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's
going ... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a
friend from England. Janice had just returned from a fabulous trip, and she
was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there,
looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to
compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress;
it was the only thing I could find that was clean.

My unwashed hair was pulled up in a clip and I was afraid I could actually
smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned
to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why
she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with
admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover
what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could
pattern my work:

(1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of
their names.
(2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see
finished.
(3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
(4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of
God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird
on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you
spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by
the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost
as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the
sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of
kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is
too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great
cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease
that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own
self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's
bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the
morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three
hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a
shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to WANT to come home. And
then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna
love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're
doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel,
not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the
world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

God Bless You as you build your Cathedrals!

-Author Unknown

10:31 - Monday, October 8, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

Busy busy

I know, i used this title before for a blog post.

I am so busy... not much time to sit down on the computer. Again, busy doesnt mean im miserable. I've got 4 kids, they come first.

I am having fun

I am happy

I am in loveee

I am busy busy busy

Of course i miss sitting and chat with you. I dont remember last time i turned MSN or Yahoo on...  because there is just not enough time to start and finish a conversation!   I dont feel miserable being too busy to sit down, but i do feel miserable when i do sit down and start to chat with someone and i have to go after 5 mins; therefore, i dont even try to sit down. Making sense?

You can find me on www.facebook.com       I found so many old "friends" there.   I didnt really have friends... i was a cast off, laughed at and ridiculed a lot, but i dont hold grudge on anyone; i am more than happy to see them all.   I dont go much on myspace anymore.... i got too many crazy people/perverts/strangers bugging me on there. So i put my profile on private, and nobody can contact me. Good for people already on your list... not so good for people that are not. hahaha

Wish me luck....... I am officially starting the process to find my girls...   I am not sure where to start, or how to start... but i will start by calling the hospital where they were born, and passed away. I "think" they should have that on file where they were transfered.  My ex husband lied to me so much.... i have no idea where they were buried. He told me that they would call us to let us know where so we could go to the burial, but they were keeping them somehwere for a while because they were to be buried along with other babies.  I learned that they dont do such things... and my worse fear is that he told them to just dispose of them... I am so so afraid....  I feel this pain like a hot torch in my heart when i think that maybe my babies were just  incinated and tossed; tell me its not possible?    

what a crazy conversation.........

anyway, please just keep me in your thoughts; that i dial the right number, talk to the right people, and get the answers i need.   I dont remember signing any release, so i know my ex did.... and if told them he didnt want to bother with a burial... what other options are there??? 

So, i have to go. Time to put my kiddos to bed!  Told ya i have to end those conversation quick :)

Love you al

09:43 - Friday, September 14, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment